Writer Beware - just when you thought it was safe to be published
Newly minted writer of the novel Malarky, Anakana Schofield (it took her a dozen years to be an overnight success, as the bitter quip goes), has added three great questions to the long list about the weird world of being a published writer. What winds her up is the publicising malarkey.
Question 1: Why isn't it good enough to have your words do the talking?
Surely the personal trivia and peccadillos of her life have no place in an article about her book? Can the public really be interested in knowing why, let us suppose, she has to be half naked to write scintillating prose.
15 - 0
Answer 1: Well aware of the blindingly obvious, she offers it up, that newspapers want colour and the more lurid the better. Who knows what might be exposed to illuminate the prose and, gosh, none of it can hurt in flogging the book or the newspaper.
15 all
Question 2: Why does the author become an indentured slave of the publicist, chained to a desk and condemned to write promotional pieces for NO money?
30 - 15
Answer 2: Again, she knocks down her straw man with the revelation of the modern disease, the persecution pandemic, whereby the haves further screw the have nots.
Who could not agree that it's a despicable arrangement but know this (the media multinationals know it) - in all the world there cannot be a more willing slave than the (average) freshly published writer, unless its the unpublished writer.
I fear that the time will come when not only will the train driver be unpaid to drive to Scotland, not only will he have to tout for passengers, but he will have to supply the damned train in the first place. Or is that called self-publishing?
30 all
Question 3: Why is the media obsessed about how to write and thus be successful rather than how to read and become a more fulfilled thinker and person?
40 - 30
Answer 3: Ah, here Schofield rips away the curtain of inspired deceit - encourage the poor sods to write their way to fame and, more importantly, fortune. That way they support the system, they become the system, and if they fail (as most will) they will be diverted from that higher plane of thinking that realises that writing is the new opiate of the masses. Anyway, that's what I took her to say.
40 all.
It all leads to some Thoughts ...
Today's successful writer is a commodity, or at least is in possession of qualities and features which are amenable to brand creation. If the writing is good, so much the better, but don't let's get bogged down with that distraction. As far as the ninteen-year-old directors of the marketing department are concerned, it's preferable if their prospective literary genius is:
So, dismal truth though it might be, it is odds-on that the media won't give two hoots about your personal life, not to mention your writing, if you are old (ie. over 35), male, unpublished, plain and penniless. Seems Anakana Schofield has avoided some of these drawbacks.
As for me, there's no hope. To the above discouraging indicators I must add (sob) baldness! Oh, the obscurity.
Snapping the cap back on the bottle of anti-depressives and moving right along, I often hear the phrase 'there's a book in everyone'. All I can say is thank Christ there's only one book in most of us and moreover, why-oh-why was the damned thing ever published? Moreover again, why-oh-why are so many books published from proven, consistently bad writers?
It's simple - they are comfortably bad, reliably bad, profitably bad.
Publishers reward these walking gold mines with ever more opportunities to foist trash on their grateful public. Everyone who matters wins. What weirdo thought improving the mind and soul by means of good reading was worth the breath it takes to say it? Nobody makes a cent from learning to read well. And why bother to write well?
Hold on, that's it, that's the answer!
How hard can it be to whack together
You bet - there's money riding on it!
So, away with all that well-meaning angst - bring on journalists prying into my private life; welcome free servitude to the great publicist; embrace conspicuous enrichment via splurge-writing of anything and everything.
The way to the top is to lower the bar!
GAME, I think.
Question 1: Why isn't it good enough to have your words do the talking?
 |
| Waiting on your every word |
15 - 0
Answer 1: Well aware of the blindingly obvious, she offers it up, that newspapers want colour and the more lurid the better. Who knows what might be exposed to illuminate the prose and, gosh, none of it can hurt in flogging the book or the newspaper.
15 all
Question 2: Why does the author become an indentured slave of the publicist, chained to a desk and condemned to write promotional pieces for NO money?
30 - 15
Answer 2: Again, she knocks down her straw man with the revelation of the modern disease, the persecution pandemic, whereby the haves further screw the have nots.
Who could not agree that it's a despicable arrangement but know this (the media multinationals know it) - in all the world there cannot be a more willing slave than the (average) freshly published writer, unless its the unpublished writer.
I fear that the time will come when not only will the train driver be unpaid to drive to Scotland, not only will he have to tout for passengers, but he will have to supply the damned train in the first place. Or is that called self-publishing?
30 all
Question 3: Why is the media obsessed about how to write and thus be successful rather than how to read and become a more fulfilled thinker and person?
40 - 30
Answer 3: Ah, here Schofield rips away the curtain of inspired deceit - encourage the poor sods to write their way to fame and, more importantly, fortune. That way they support the system, they become the system, and if they fail (as most will) they will be diverted from that higher plane of thinking that realises that writing is the new opiate of the masses. Anyway, that's what I took her to say.
40 all.
It all leads to some Thoughts ...
Today's successful writer is a commodity, or at least is in possession of qualities and features which are amenable to brand creation. If the writing is good, so much the better, but don't let's get bogged down with that distraction. As far as the ninteen-year-old directors of the marketing department are concerned, it's preferable if their prospective literary genius is:
- female - the pictures are prettier; everyone knows women are more sensitive, perceptive, relevant etc; in same-sex relationships lesbianism is liberating, modern and saleable ( whereas male cohabiting is clearly smutty, deviant and time-worn).
- young - the pictures are prettier; obvious prodigious early talent with lots of development time to be exploited; less cynical about the enigmatic ways of publishing.
- connected - the pictures are prettier (since such a person is far more likely to smile as they are far more likely to be published than a random nobody); the book blurbs are enlivened by the name-dropping of lots of already famous people; there may be personal advantage to be had from association with the rich and aforesaid famous.
 |
| Ticking the boxes - female, young ... |
So, dismal truth though it might be, it is odds-on that the media won't give two hoots about your personal life, not to mention your writing, if you are old (ie. over 35), male, unpublished, plain and penniless. Seems Anakana Schofield has avoided some of these drawbacks.
As for me, there's no hope. To the above discouraging indicators I must add (sob) baldness! Oh, the obscurity.
Snapping the cap back on the bottle of anti-depressives and moving right along, I often hear the phrase 'there's a book in everyone'. All I can say is thank Christ there's only one book in most of us and moreover, why-oh-why was the damned thing ever published? Moreover again, why-oh-why are so many books published from proven, consistently bad writers?
It's simple - they are comfortably bad, reliably bad, profitably bad.
Publishers reward these walking gold mines with ever more opportunities to foist trash on their grateful public. Everyone who matters wins. What weirdo thought improving the mind and soul by means of good reading was worth the breath it takes to say it? Nobody makes a cent from learning to read well. And why bother to write well?
Hold on, that's it, that's the answer!
 |
| Fame, here we come |
How hard can it be to whack together
- a leaky plot,
- cardboard characters,
- infantile dialogue,
- boring digression,
- confused genre,
- worthless themes,
- numbing language
- and pointless climax?
You bet - there's money riding on it!
So, away with all that well-meaning angst - bring on journalists prying into my private life; welcome free servitude to the great publicist; embrace conspicuous enrichment via splurge-writing of anything and everything.
The way to the top is to lower the bar!
 |
| I'll have the lot - serve it up |
GAME, I think.
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